Numb
by Sweet Lunacy
Summary: Jenny saw the Chimera explode. Now she has to deal with the uncertainty of not knowing whether they were alive...or whether *he* was alive


**A/N: _Chimera_ is one of my favourite episodes. It's slightly creepy (which I love), it's very Jenny-heavy (which I more than love) and it's just an overall amazing episode. Great acting by the entire cast. Mark, Lauren, Cote, Michael, David, Pauley, and Sean...I can't say enough wonderful things about them in this one. It occurred to me while watching that Jenny likely had a period of time where she didn't know whether or not Team Gibbs (and Ducky) had survived the explosion and I wanted to explore that. I also wanted a confrontation with Commander Skinner. Although, who _wouldn't_ hit on Jenny/Lauren if they had a chance? I'd also hit on Mark, too. Love them both. Anyway, sorry for rambling. Enjoy!**

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Director Jenny Shepard stared at the screen in MTAC with an expression of absolute horror. Her mind simply refused to accept what she'd just seen. There was no way that the _Chimera _had been destroyed. She could feel Commander Skinner's eyes on her, but she swept past him without a word, fighting the tears she felt building up. She made her way to her office, pausing briefly at Cynthia's desk.

"Cynthia, please hold all of my calls. No one in or out of my office and could you please bring me a cup of coffee?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Shutting her door, Jenny sank down into the chair behind her desk. She slipped her heels off and placed her head in her hands. A few stray tears dripped down onto her shaking hand and she sighed. How could she have let this happen? She'd never gotten the chance to apologise to Tony for the pain he'd gone through during his assignment, never told Ziva how much she valued her friendship, never thanked Ducky for all the times he'd been a compassionate ear for her to vent to, never told McGee that she admired his loyalty, and Jethro...there were so many things she'd wanted to say to him.

When she thought about how much she regretted leaving him, regretted telling him no "off the job", regretted the way they fought at almost every turn...it filled her with such a sadness that it physically hurt. She ran her hand through her hair and wiped away the tears she felt on her face. Her head fell onto her arms and it took every ounce of strength she had to keep from breaking down as she waited for Cynthia to return.

Her office door opened and she smiled when she heard the thud of a coffee cup being placed on her desk. She frowned when she didn't hear the door open and shut again, but said nothing.

"Not gonna thank me, Jen?"

She froze for a moment then her head flew up from the desk. Emerald eyes locked on sapphire and her mouth fell slightly open in shock.

"Jethro?"

Her voice was a whisper, and he smirked at her puzzled expression. She jumped up, her chair flying backward, and ran around her desk. She threw herself into his arms, burying her face in his chest and as he tentatively wrapped his arms around her, he frowned.

"What's going on?"

"I thought you were dead," she said, her voice muffled by his chest, "I saw the _Chimera_ explode."

Understanding filled his eyes and he tightened his hold on her. He wanted to place a kiss to her temple, but he wasn't sure how she would react.

"We're safe, Jen. We got off the ship before anything happened. Everyone's fine. Team's down in the bullpen right now writing up reports."

She pulled back, her eyes roaming over him and when she reached out to touch his face gently, he frowned again.

"What are you doing?"

"I can't believe you're really here," she whispered.

He smirked and she frowned.

"This isn't funny."

He stepped away from her and she fought the urge to grab his arm. Gibbs walked to her couch and sat down, watching her as she stood by the door. When she started to laugh, he frowned, confused. There was a slightly hysterical tinge to her voice that made him uneasy.

"Thought it wasn't funny."

"It's not...I just—I spent all day and night arguing with Commander Skinner, trying to keep his hands off me all night, and then he goes and gives the order for the ship carrying all of my best agents to be blown up. And it majorly backfired, because here you are. I bet he's going to feel like an idiot."

Gibbs watched her as she paced back and forth while she spoke and when she was near enough, he stood to block her path.

"What do you mean _keep his hands off of you all night_, Jen?"

She shrugged, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"Commander Skinner has been flirting with me all night. It's nothing. I put him in his place."

He smirked, wishing he could have seen her.

"I bet you did. He still here?"

Jenny nodded.

"In MTAC."

Without a word, he nodded and walked to her door, throwing it open. Jenny hesitated for a fraction of a second before following him and as she entered MTAC, she stopped.

"Commander Skinner. Nice to meet you in person."

The younger man turned, the look on his face so comical that Jenny nearly laughed out loud. Gibbs was just a few feet in front of her, blocking her from his view, but from her angle, she could see him clearly.

"A-Agent Gibbs. I see you made it safely back to DC."

"Yeah. Not before the ship I was investigating blew up. You know anything about that?"

"I was following orders," came the weak reply.

"Yeah? And when you were hitting on the Director of a Federal agency? Were you _following orders_ then?"

The Commander shrugged.

"Can you blame me?"

"Actually, yeah. I can."

"You've got to admit, she's got fire. Probably great in bed."

"She's also standing right here," Jenny said, stepping out from behind Gibbs.

"D-Director Shepard! I didn't mean to—"

"Yes, you did," she interrupted.

Gibbs glanced at her, a familiar glint in his eye that she knew well. Jenny was glaring daggers at the Commander and it was only Jethro's hand on her back that stopped her from telling him exactly what she thought of him.

"Do you think your superiors would approve of your actions tonight, Commander Skinner?"

He was silent and Gibbs turned to Jenny.

"What do you think, Director? Would they approve?"

"I doubt it, Agent Gibbs. I very highly doubt it."

Jenny smiled, so sickly sweet that even Commander Skinner could tell she was holding in barely-concealed rage, and Gibbs smirked again.

"Would they be interested to know the absolutely degrading way you spoke about the well respected Director of NCIS?"

The Commander stammered a response, but Gibbs cut him off.

"I think they'd be _very_ interested. You insulted her as a woman and as the Director of this agency."

Jenny and Gibbs both turned, leaving a very nervous Commander Skinner in their wake. As soon as the door closed behind them, Jenny threw her hand over her mouth and gave in to her laughter. Returning to her office, Jenny turned to him as soon as the door shut and she sighed.

"Before you say anything, let me speak. I thought I'd lost you tonight. All of you. I've never felt so lost and alone. There's so much I need to tell you, things that I should have said a long time ago. But the first thing is this: I'm sorry. For leaving, for being such a bitch, for—"

Her words were cut short as he crashed his lips against hers and he pulled her flush against him. His fingers tangled in her hair and when he finally released her, he was smiling.

"What was that for?"

"To shut you up."

"Jethro!"

"It worked, didn't it?"

He smirked and pulled her close again, kissing her deeply. She was breathless when she broke away from him and she couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

His lips on hers were all the answer she needed.

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**A/N: Hope you liked it! Let me know! **


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